The Second Mistake: We convince ourselves of things that are not true. Yes, one thing is true: the boyfriend is a charming, adorable guy, or the girlfriend has the best ass you have ever laid eyes upon. Problem is, the significant other is cheating behind your back, or is showing a clear lack of respect, or is abusive. In such situations, we encounter a thing called denial. Often enough the status quo is too comfortable, and it's easier to make believe that two very different people can work through their differences. One of the more sad situations I see is the individual living in a state of denial over a terribly matched relationship. This is one of those situations where often an aspect of what the boyfriend or girlfriend is offering seems to outweigh any of the downsides, whether it is the emotional support, the great body, the excellent networking connections or the constant source of sex. Despite these benefits, there might be things that cause one to pull their hair out, to beat the wall, or to yell and scream. Ffffffffffuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk!
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Solve your miserable problem by ejecting from the plummeting aircraft. Get clear of anything so negative. A good indicator of one of those naïve moments is the concerned group of friends and family and their general disapproval. So often do they all go ignored, and the reason why is puzzling.
I saw this situation quite recently, actually. My former girlfriend's brother was going out with a girl that very few people actually liked. She was gluttonous, attention-seeking wretch and from what I had gathered was on various medications. Despite the fact that no one actually liked her for her nasty behavior and very controlling grip on the boyfriend, the family and friends generally showed their respect and were nice to her.
Two things are at work:
-Emotional dependence
-Sexual dependence
In the category of emotional dependence we also find the aspect of familiarity which plays a huge role in relationships that have lasted for a long period of time. In general, emotional dependence is a really truly terrible thing and must at all costs be avoided with a significant other. Emotional dependence/attachments with family or pets are an entirely different story, and in such cases it is perfectly normal and safe to have. It is bad in a relationship because relationships tend to be temporary. While it may be difficult to admit or to accept, of all relationships in the world, a minuscule percentage are forever lasting. You might see where I am going with this; it is simply not a wise investment to tie yourself to another. Kick and scream all you like, I will continue this topic later.
Also, sexual dependence. Males, try this: picture how you feel about someone who attracts you a lot. Now, masturbate. Yes, that's right, just get it out of your system. Now that you've finished, enjoying a moment of bliss and relief, how do you feel about this person now? You will find that suddenly you will have a more acute sense of their behaviors and the pros/cons of their personality. You might not even like them anymore, or attraction has simply disappeared. The point I make is that sexual desire often clouds one's vision, preventing a truly objective point of view.
The poor soul that I had mentioned earlier is experiencing both of these side effects of a relationship. For him it will be a long and painful road of slowly coming to the realization of the significant other's true nature, the slow breakup, and the slow disconnection from the dependencies they both have. I foresee much in the way of guilt tripping, jealousy-induction, pity and even remorse as telltale landmarks.
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