Asshole's Guide to Dating Part 3.

Dating explained

Even if you live with your parents, this will happen eventually. You will meet a girl or a guy, and they will show you slightly more interest than usual. Do not panic! This is something that the average person can handle. Sadly, over the centuries, dating has progressed from sneaking away to the barn or woods to make out, up to today where a lot of women have made up rules about proper etiquette. This has done nothing but make some of us feel better about ourselves, and confuse others.

So, who should I go on dates with? Anyone you are attracted to. Let me make something clear: attraction can be attributed to many different aspects of a person, whether it's the apparent personality, or the nice looking bod they have. Anyhow, as long as you are attracted to a person, there is an opportunity for success. Someone out there is definitely screaming, “but what if we get to know each other for a while and then become attracted blah blah blah!?” Looks always matter, it's hardwired into our DNA. Truth is, it is difficult for anyone to wake up every morning and roll over to see a face they do not like seeing.

There's something else important to consider: dates generally are not "successful". In other words, you'll go on dates with many girls (or guys or whatever), and when this happens most of them will be unsuitable. Either they will be too ugly, have an irritating personality, buck teeth, bad breath, interests that totally don't align with yours -- or something. Regardless, there will be an aspect that will not suit you. Or perhaps the girl is fantastic, but you fuck up yet again and the date does not go well. Never fear, it was not meant to be. The truth is simply that you cannot expect every woman or man out there to like or appreciate you. While this might go without saying, it's important to say it again because we sometimes forget. Also, since the vast majority of relationships will NOT work out (the only ones which truly do work out are the ones which end up in a lifelong marriage and happiness), you can't take it too hard on yourself if things do not go as planned.

So here's a tip: be entirely yourself.


There is no point in trying to fool anyone. And here's another thing, it's NOT your job to try to impress anyone. Putting on a show is a waste of time and energy, and no man or woman is worth that.

So, we've outlined the basics of how to behave. Beyond that you make conversation and see where things go. There is really no formula to it, since every person is different and with so many variables it's impossible to predict outcomes accurately most of the time.

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Okay, so let's say we've found a girl who smiles at you and is willing to go on a date with you. What next? Location.

A lot of people think dinner is a good idea for the first date. I think that is absolute rubbish. First of all there is a general expectation that the guy will pay for the entire meal. Often enough if a girl isn't really that into the guy, she will offer to pay her half. Or, she might just be an honest, cool person with good morals. This is somewhat rare, unfortunately.

Protip: Coffee date as first date.

It's perfect. Think of it as an interview for the second date. It has an atmosphere not too far from that of a restaurant, you pay up front and you can leave whenever necessary. It is also much much cheaper than an actual restaurant, where a bad date can turn into a hole in your wallet. And if you don't drink coffee, there is tea too, or pastries and biscuits and delicious shit. I fucking love me some biscotti.

Also:
-Walk in the park, romp around the fairgrounds.
-A calmer, more relaxed place like a hookah bar.

Be creative. But keep it as cheap as possible, or free. Spending lots of money is the worst when you don't know the person very well.


Oh, and I know there will be those who will argue with my logic. Those people are wrong, stupid, and are buying in too heavily to some silly social constructions.