Breaking up smoothly.

Breaking up can be a pretty big deal for a lot of people. For assholes like me, it's extremely simple and can happen quite quickly and frequently, and 9 out of 10 times I am the one initiating the breakup. The other 1 out of 10 times is when the girlfriend catches me cheating. But this isn't about me, this is about you.

The difficulty of breaking up varies greatly. Let me outline a few different scenarios:

-Both you and the girl are very close, but you do not feel right about the relationship and want to screw whoever you want to again. The girl probably likes you more than you like her.

-You and the girl/whatever had been close but are drifting apart, you both mutually feel bored.

-You suddenly find yourself fucking someone else.

-Your significant other hates you and doesn't talk to you much at all.


So, as I said, different degrees of difficulty in breaking something off. For some of these situations, especially if you feel the desire to see other people, I recommend NOT burning the bridge initially. Simply state your desire to no longer be in a relationship.

You: "Listen, things really aren't working out for me. While I do care for you, I find myself in a place right now where we can't be together."

Significant other: Blah blah blah blah but I still want to be with you blah blah blah i'm crying blah blah blah blah I'm pregnant (bullshit) blah blah blah what can I do to make you change your mind?? (get implants, lose weight, piggie.)

^^ if you can get past all of this then you are golden.

The next step is the most important one: cut off contact. If you have to remove them from facebook, do it. By removing reminders and such from your life (whether you were dumped or you did the dumping) it will greatly increase the speed at which you get over things. By cutting off contact it also prevents the girl or guy from getting at you emotionally. Silences makes a perfect barrier.

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE is essential. Making yourself miserable over a faulty relationship will not make it any less faulty. Think about it in terms of what benefits there are in being single: you can sit around in your underwear playing video games and drinking beer, you can hit on whoever you want/grab some ass, smoke blunts, whatever. Nothing nicer than kicking back with some beers and bros and not having a girlfriend call my ass to see how I am doing every ten minutes. Fuck yes.

To wrap up this bullshit, I will leave you with a quote:

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." - Leonardo da Vinci


so don't sweat this shit.